Do you know someone who always seems to be complaining? You may work next to them or perhaps they are one of your neighbours. After a while you just feel like turning round and walking in the opposite direction when you see them coming!! If anyone seems to always see the glass half empty rather than half full it is the chronic complainer. Life for them is a party - a whine and cheese party
When dealing with difficult people, the complainers are easy to spot and frustrating to be with
Is it possible to stop that never ending stream of complaints?

This article has some ideas as to how you can communicate more effectively with a constant complainer, without getting sucked into listening to their never ending complaining and moaning.
Why do complainers complain all the time?
Complainers tend to be task focused people whose main concern is to get things done, but more importantly to get them done right. They tend to be very detailed orientated and think systematically. They communicate indirectly, and are always concerned about the details, and getting them right. When they cannot see a way to get a task done right, and be able to fit in all the details they become frustrated by their inability to fix it.
A noticeable characteristic of Complainers is that they are always talking about the problem and never the solution. They feel powerless to do anything about the problems they are aware of. Complaining is their way of protecting themselves against self blame in case things dont work out. Complaining is a self defence mechanism. It covers up their insatiable need to get it right and their frustration in not being able to achieve perfection. Usually they are not able to offer suggestions to correct the problem or effectively deal with what they dont like.
How do you help a complainer either solve their problem or go away?
The most important way to deal with a constant complainer is to get them to focus on problem solving rather than complaining. This is a step by step process rather than an instant transformation! Whatever you do, do not attempt to solve their problems for them. This will only prove ineffective and make you frustrated. Your goal is to help them find the information that answers the who, what, why where and how.
Firstly listen to them attentively. To be listened to help the complainer release some of their stress and pressure, and become more able to move into problem solving mode. Write down the main points, and do not let them repeat themselves. It is important to focus on the facts and not to agree or disagree with them.
The next step is to clarify with them what the actual problem really is. If necessary interrupt politely to ask specific questions. This will help stop the generalization. Be careful however not to ask why as that will give them the opportunity to start all over again.
Thirdly determine a realistic direction. Ask questions that help the complainer specifically identify the outcome they want or need.
Then based on their answer suggest a course of action that they could take. This might be to keep track of the problems and write them down, or perhaps ask them to think of solutions. Encourage them to focus on time limits and details.
At this point firmly, but kindly complete the interaction. This might entail asking them to let you know when they have completed your suggested course of action. Alternatively you may just need to say Goodbye and close the door.
Some people may have played the role of complainer for much of their life, and become comfortable with it. If this is the case it is important that you set personal boundaries with them. Just remember the four Donts for this type of behaviour.
Dont agree. Dont disagree. Dont try to solve their problems for them. Dont ask them why.
Complainers can be annoying and time consuming. By using these strategies you can limit and set appropriate boundaries for dealing with these difficult people

by James Kronefield
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