Dealing with Difficult People Blog

When you become a positive thinker, you do not let one bad event ruin the rest of your day, or worse, the rest of your life. So many people walk around with a chip on their shoulder, and most of them do not even have a right to be mad. They are holding onto trivial matters and making themselves miserable.

Embrace the power of positive thinking by releasing those grudges. Allow yourself to react to bad events in your life, but pick yourself up again and keep on going toward your goal. Do not hold onto those bad feelings, and do not make yourself miserable. There is no point in holding onto those negative thoughts.
Coaching | Self Help | Self Improvement | Mental Health

Positive thinking is not about being detached from reality. It is about taking charge of your reality, and taking charge of your thoughts. Whatever you concentrate on for most of the day is what you will create in your life. If you are concentrating on the negative, guess what you will get more of?

Become a positive thinker by focusing on the good in your life. You will begin to see more good come into your life, and then you will realize the true power of positive thinking.

Are you an individual who finds it difficult to properly manage your time? If you are, you may be looking to make changes. After all, not having a good sense of time management may have a negative impact on your personal life, as well as your work life. See organized living.

If you are looking to improve your sense of get organized techniques, there are a number of steps that you will need to take. These steps should have you making better use of your time in no time at all. A few of these steps are highlighted below for your convenience.

First, be sure to set goals for yourself. In fact, setting goals is the most important thing that you can do. Set a number of goals for yourself, such as getting your home office or work desk organized in two to three days. Another goal that you can set is the goal of arriving to work early, and so forth.

Another important component of life management is knowing that there is only a certain amount of time in the day. This is important to remember when setting goals for yourself. You do not want to overextend yourself either at home or at the workplace. Instead, create realistic goals for yourself that you will be likely be able to meet.

A good part of knowing that there is only a limited amount of time in the day and a limited number of things for you to do is also knowing when to say ìno.î Although you may not always have the pleasure of telling someone no in the workplace, you should have more flexibility at home. If you canít afford to take on extra assignments at work, donít. If you canít find the time to complete another task at home, like dust or vacuum, seek help from your partner, your children, or a professional housecleaner. Organized Living World.

In addition to creating a goal list, it is also advised that you create a to do list for yourself. Depending on how out of sync you are with your time, a daily to do list may be required. After time, you may be able to graduate to a weekly or even monthly to do list. When creating your list, it is important to know the importance of life management. First, it is important to determine which tasks are the most important. What tasks have the greatest sense of urgency? Those are ones that should be at the top of your list. See life direction and purpose.

As for ease, an easy way to improve your sense of time management is to eliminate or limit your distractions. If you find yourself wasting a considerable of time, what is it that distracts you or gets you off task? Is it the internet, socializing with friends, or the television?

If the above mentioned approaches still arenít able to help you manage your time like you had hoped, you may want to consider hiring the services of a professional. As previously stated, if you need additional help at home you may want to hire a professional housecleaner. With that said, did you also know that there are experts who can show you how to better manage and make use of your time, as well as those who can help you get your home or office more organized? There are. The professional help, knowledge, and expertise of these individuals is never a bad thing. See get organized now.

I have conducted countless management workshops in my professional life for various clients and the question that continuously is asked during the workshop is, “how do I manage my manager”? I hear such comments as, “my manager should attend this workshop” or, “my manager requires this workshop badly”.
Unfortunately, the participants who are saying these comments are not alone in their frustration. Based on my calculations, previous experiences and reading data based networks, approximately twenty eight per cent of all working Canadians believe that they work for a good manager; thirty eight per cent say they would fire their manager if they could; four per cent would have their manager assessed by a psychologist and thirty per cent would send their manager to management training.
No doubt, many people are a victim of circumstance and wind up working for a manager who is weak and ineffective. We don’t often choose the manager we work for and we do not have to fall victim to their short comings. It is important to realize that we cannot control or change our manager but, we can control and change the way we interact with them.
It is true that some managers are just plain bad people. They have no respect for others nor do they respect their professional environment or the company they work for. These managers are miserable and their values evil; as a result, they don’t respect themselves. Although these types of managers are few and far between, you may work for a manager like this. Should this be the case, there is virtually nothing that you can do about it. Accept the fact that this is the situation and make a decision to stay or leave.
On the hand, most difficult managers are not aware of the fact that they are difficult. They actually think they are good managers setting good examples of leadership. Understanding why and how your manager has gone off track may help you choose the best strategy for working with him or her.
Here Are Seven Reasons Why Managers Are Difficult:
Micro management
Some managers have been embarrassed by someone’s poor performance in the past and they are determined not to let this happen again. As a result, they are involved in every detail and decision that takes place in the business unit usually confusing results with activities. This is compounded when the manager’s boss expects him or her to micro manage the daily activities of the business unit. Micro managing leads to ineffective time and priority management skills and eventually disconnects the boss from subordinates.
In over their heads
Many difficult managers have been promoted to their current position because of their technical skills, their good attendance record, their willingness to work extra hours or their friendly non threatening relationship with their boss. Critical management skills such as organizational skills, leadership skills and decision making skills are given little or no consideration, resulting in an ineffective and at times a burdensome manager.
Management by numbers
Too many managers have been trained to manage by numbers. They are firmly committed to letting the budget manage them rather than take the initiative to manage the budget. These managers make all decisions solely based on the numbers regardless of the collateral damage in the workplace. People are disposable balance sheet items that are expected to get the job completed within the pre determined financial parameters.
Bad boss mentor syndrome
Most difficult managers learn at the feet of the master and unfortunately were promoted to their current position by the master. Mentored by bad examples, they in turn mimicked the same bahaviours. The master has taught them the art of micro management, management by numbers and the take no prisoner approach by being rudely blunt and talking down to subordinates.
Overworked
Difficult managers all have one thing in common; they are fire fighters. Not only do they micro manage they are in the thick of many confrontations leaving little or no time to be proactive and get the job done. This can be disastrous for a difficult manager because s/he begins to work harder; not smarter, they push harder on their people to get the job done and become intolerant to mistakes. They are ineffective because they are ill equipped to deal with the pressures that today’s business opportunities bring causing their lack of leadership and analytical skills to become evident. There is little or no time for professional development as training may be seen as a sign of personal weakness or a luxury that the manager or subordinates cannot afford or don’t require.
Poor communicators
In the world of information technology many leaders feel compelled to increase communication through the utilization of email, high speed internet and black berry’s. Difficult managers tend to over use these methods by sending off emails to address challenges that should be addressed face to face or, at the very least over the telephone. To carry the problem further, some have reverted to conducting performance evaluations via email in order to reduce time constraints that have been caused by being overworked. The more connected a difficult manager gets to the information highway the more disconnected and disoriented become the subordinates.
Selective feedback
Many difficult managers surround themselves with “yes” people. People who tell them they are doing well when their performance is terrible. Since they are apt to surround themselves with people that exemplify their behaviour, they really don’t know that their performance is less than satisfactory. They intentionally or unintentionally choke off open and honest feedback and believe they are doing a good job because, no one has told them differently.
Strategies For Coping With A Difficult Manager:
You cannot manage something that you cannot control. Many of us have tried to manage our personal relationship’s and we have found that we are worse off in comparison to when we started. If you can control something then, you can manage it. Difficult managers are much the same. They cannot be managed because they cannot be controlled. We can cope with but, not control a difficult manager.
Here are seven strategies you might consider when coping with a difficult manager.
Support your manager
Do not, under any circumstance put down or bad mouth your manager in front of subordinates, peers or other managers. This is known as mutiny and the consequence of such can be severe. Ensure that your manager gets an abundance of credit for the work that you have done, even if s/he doesn’t deserve it. In all your tasks, make sure that you cater to their strengths and be quick to play down or avoid their weaknesses.
Be an initiator
You have heard the saying, “it is better to beg forgiveness than ask for permission”. The same can be said when dealing with a difficult manager. Establish your top goals and objectives (four to six is very manageable), get your manager’s input, adjust accordingly and make it happen. Keep your manager informed on a regular basis and reset priorities only when absolutely necessary. Difficult managers will leave you alone because they are over matched and you are the least of their challenges. They may even view you as being a star performer because you are the least of their challenges.
Crash manage priorities
If you are a star performer, sooner or later your manager will come to you with urgent matters. When s/he does, pull out your previously agreed upon list and ask what items are to be moved or rearranged in order to accommodate the request. Focus your energy on those items that you can control and cautiously select those elements that you believe you can influence.
See the political landscape for what it is
Everything in business is political except politics, that’s personal. Learn how to play the political game by determining who the players are and how the game is played. Remember, organizational politics is a function of responsibility, accountability, authority and influence and, it is part of the organizational landscape. If you have more than one person working in your organization ; you have politics. Politics pervades our daily working life. That means building strategic relationships with others that might include personal trust and professional networks. The key is to remember 30% of people are doers, 50% are fence sitters and 20% are naysayers. Work with the 30% because these are the people who are willing to move ahead and make things happen.
Be credible
The biggest intangible you have to deliver your boss is your credibility. Do what you say you are going to do, do it with passion, professionalism and exceed expectations. Never under deliver, over promise or compromise your commitments to others. Credibility will establish leadership potential and keep you in good stead with the manager and others.
Timing is everything
You must be patient and wait for the right time to approach your manager. Are they more receptive in the morning or afternoon? Is s/he more receptive to one on one conversations, team meetings or carefully worded proposals? Many times they are going to have bad encounters with others and this is usually accompanied with negative consequences. It’s a good idea to anticipate these encounters and never approach him / her afterwards.
Don’t be a victim of circumstance
Remember, you cannot manage those things that you cannot control and you cannot control your manager. Always be building professional relationships within the organization with your peers, your manager’s peers and other business unit leaders. Your best strategy to not becoming a victim is having a well planned exit strategy.
by LJ Bronart
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My late grandmother used to say; “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I guess it was her old world way of declaring that if you’re nice to people, they’ll be nice to you.

But would her meaning also include the not so nice people at work? They’re the ones that are as familiar to you (I’m sure) as the flies were to my grandmother. Will the same approach work with those individuals?

Though it may not be spelled out in your actual job description, part of your day to day is to deal with and manage difficult people. How to do it effectively can make or break a career. So keep a jar of that sweet remedy in your desk drawer. It may come in handy.

Differences and disagreements are a natural part of working together. In a healthy organization, where there are appropriate channels and ways of expressing differences, a certain amount of disagreement–or “conflict”–is energizing and often creative.

However, when differences lead to personal confrontation, inappropriate aggression, or intolerably high levels of tension, something must be done to mitigate the tension and redirect the behaviors of those involved. This is not only a part of your job, it is also a responsibility of your managers, in partnership with an HR professional.

There’s no getting around the fact that some people are just plain difficult. And you know who they are. They come in every form, at different levels, and no workplace is immune. How you deal with a difficult person depends largely on your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional courage. Handling conflicts and difficult people is easier when they are just generally obnoxious or when the behavior affects more than one person.

Dealing with difficult people is much tougher when they are attacking you or undermining your professional contribution.

Difficult People Come In Every Conceivable Variety

Some talk constantly and never listen. Others must always have the last word. Some coworkers fail to keep commitments. Others criticize anything that they did not create. Difficult people may compete with you for power, privilege and the spotlight. Some go way too far in courting your positive opinion–to your devaluation.

Others attempt to undermine you–making you feel as if you constantly need to watch your back. Maybe your boss plays favorites and the privileged party lords it over you. People form cliques and leave you out. Yes, difficult people and situations exist in every company–big and small. They all have one thing in common. They need to be addressed – by you! No matter what type of situation you’re in, dealing with difficult people or situations is a must.

Why You Must Deal With Difficult People

Trust me. Your situation won’t get better if you don’t do anything about it. It usually gets worse. When conflict is not dealt with, it simmers just below the surface–and often erupts counterproductively.

At first, people go into shock when they are treated unprofessionally, so take some time to understand exactly what is happening. Once you are fully aware of what is going on, do not live with that situation. It is not an option. The longer you delay taking action, the angrier you will become. And that anger can lead to so much pain that your efforts to address the situation may become irrational.

Maintain Objectivity And Emotional Control When Addressing The Problem

Constant complaining about your problem person or situation can quickly earn you the title of a whiner. Others may wonder why you are unable to solve your own problems–even if their tolerance or encouragement of the situation is part of the problem. Do yourself a world of good by maintaining objectivity, self-control, and a professional attitude.

Worst Case Scenario If You Fail to Deal With Difficult People

If you are embroiled in a constant conflict at work, you may not only get blamed for being “unable to handle the situation like a mature professional,” you may be labeled as a “difficult” person, too. This label is hard to escape and can have devastating consequences for your reputation and possibly your career.

Finally, if the situation continues to deteriorate over time, the organization and the person or persons you report to may tire of you. You may be considered “high maintenance”, or a poor leader, or unsuited for the job. That could lead to your being replaced by a more professional or cooperative person, and you could lose your job.

Dealing With the Difficult Coworker

I’m aware of companies in which all sorts of dysfunctional approaches to dealing with a difficult coworker have been tried. Putting an anonymous note in the person’s mailbox is not an option. Placing a can of deodorant on a hygiene-challenged coworker’s desk is not a productive option either.

Confronting the bully publicly can often lead to disaster. Remember, in almost all cases you need to effectively deal with your difficult coworker. So, let’s look at half a dozen of the most productive ways to do that.

Six Tips for Dealing With Difficult People

1. Start out by examining yourself. Are you sure that the other person is really the problem and that you’re not overreacting? Have you always experienced difficulty with the same type of person or actions? Does a pattern exist for you in your interaction with coworkers? Do you recognize that you have hot buttons that are easily pushed? (We all do, you know.) Always start with self-examination to determine that the object of your attention really is a difficult person’s actions.

2. Explore what you are experiencing with a trusted friend or colleague. Brainstorm ways to address the situation. When you are the object of an attack, or your boss or peer seems to support the dysfunctional actions of a coworker, it is often difficult to objectively assess your options. Anger, pain, humiliation, fear and concern about making the situation worse are legitimate emotions.

Pay attention to the unspoken agreement you create when you solicit another’s assistance. It is vitally important to understand that you are committing to act, unless you both agree actions will only hurt the situation. Otherwise, you risk becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your colleague.

3. Approach the person with whom you are having the problem for a private discussion. Talk to them about what you are experiencing in “I” messages. (Using “I” messages is a communication approach that focuses on your experience of the situation rather than on attacking or accusing the other person.) You can also explain to your coworker the impact of their actions on you.

4. Be pleasant and agreeable as you talk with the other person. They may not be aware of the impact of their words or actions on you. They may be learning about their impact on you for the first time. Or, they may have to consider and confront a pattern in their own interaction with people. Worst case? They may know their impact on you and deny it or try to explain it away.

Unfortunately, some difficult people just don’t care. During the discussion, attempt to reach agreement about positive and supportive actions going forward.

5. Follow up after the initial discussion. Has the behavior changed? Gotten better? Or worse? Determine whether a follow-up discussion is needed. Whether a follow-up discussion will have any impact. Decide if you want to continue to confront the difficult person by yourself. Become a peacemaker. (Decide how badly you want to make peace with the other person and how much you value your current job. Determine whether you have experienced a pattern of support from your boss and peers.)

If you answer, “yes,” to these questions, hold another discussion. If not, escalate and move to the next idea.

6. Confront your difficult coworker’s behavior publicly. Deal with the person with gentle humor or slight sarcasm. Or, make an exaggerated physical gesture. No, not that one–a salute, or place your hand over your heart to indicate a serious wounding.

You can also tell those pain-in-the-butts that you’d like them to consider important history in their decision-making or similar words expressed positively, depending on the subject. Direct confrontation does work well for some people in some situations. I don’t think it works to publicly ask the person to stop doing what they’re doing, but you can use more positive confrontational tactics. Their success for you will depend on your ability to pull these tactics off. Each of us is not spur-of-the-moment funny, but if you are, you may want to try the humor approach.
by Les Gore

Les Gore is founder and managing partner of Executive Search International, and is a 23-year veteran of the “recruiting wars.”

Life Lock or LoudSiren that is the question.
Comparing one thing to another is inevitable even when such a thing is LifeLock vs LoudSiren. Whether it is intended or not, evaluating one thing against the other is constantly happening. On occasion, because of this comparison, misunderstandings and even heated arguments arise. I have seen this happen recently in the identity theft market when two co-workers argued who was best LoudSiren or LifeLock. Normally I would just separate myself from such an argument but in this case I caused the “debate”. I didn’t intend to I merely asked for an opinion while having lunch because I wasn’t too familiar with either company. I just wanted to protect my credit and good name and I didn’t even know that William used this type of company. A simple question to one person set off quite the ”debate”. At least these two were comparing similar things this time, you know apples to apples, because I have to admit I have seen them argue before about things that do not have the same qualities.

Anyways this is what I learnt. Lifelock identity protection is just like many other identity theft protection companies. They are the type of company that really does all the work for their clients even though some things could be done yourself such as ordering your credit report. In order to get attention and show how confident they are in being able to protect your identity, Lifelocks CEO actually made his social security number public. This advertising worked because this is what made me notice them. LifeLock is also able to generate positive public relations for itself because they have earned many recognitions from prestigious companies. I am not positive about what these are but some awards were definitely named.

LifeLock has a ISO 27001 certification that proves that their security at company headquarters in Tempe, Arizona is the best of the best. Their investment in security makes them able to provide real protection of the private that people hand them. LifeLock is also perhaps the only company that can provide identity protection services to minors.

LoudSiren, another identity theft protection company slowly climbing the identity theft industry ladder, they are also at par with LifeLock. They can actually speed up the process of your credit requests though I don’t know how. They also put a LoudSiren Safe Number in your credit file that keeps your phone numbers private. Also, during the credit approval request process, reporting fraudulent credit requests is easy to report to law enforcers by pressing a button on your phone.

Loud SIren has a patent pending technology that offers a secure interface for financial identity protection at least when it comes to the utilization of fraud alerts. There is also an audit trail that protects you from disputes.

Both Lifelock and Loudsiren place fraud alerts for you and get you a copy of your credit report. They also remove you from junk mails and credit card lists.

To be honest I am not positive about every detail as it was difficult to capture all the points made because they were arguing. I definitely have a basis for further research and I will post my results for you in the near future.