Dealing with Difficult People Blog

Overcoming Difficult People
by Alan Tutt
http://www.KeysToPower.com

Everywhere I turn lately, I find information to help deal with difficult people. My biggest reaction to all of it is this, why just deal with them when you can completely overcome them? Why just learn to tolerate being around those you can’t stand, when you have the option to either change them or get them out of your life completely!

Let me describe a situation that kind of sparked this whole thing. My girlfriend is a musician who does a lot of work for our church. One thing she did was to bring in another musician to add to the experience of the congregation, a guitar player who came in to play a few songs along with the keyboard and singers. Everything went well, until afterwards when he stormed out of the church without saying anything to anyone. Well, Linda met up with him later that day to pay him for his participation, and to find out what went wrong. At that point, he started “reading her the riot act” asking how could a church possibly be right if it didn’t preach this or that.

Linda tried to explain to this misguided guitar player that our church teaches things a little different from what he was used to, and that she had tried to explain that to him before bringing him into the church (he was from a very conservative, fire-and-brimstone kind of church). Our church is one that teaches acceptance of others, living peacefully, and living the principles taught by the great teacher, Christ.

The difficult guitar player had a problem that the minister didn’t even mention the name of the great teacher, although the lesson was clearly one that follows the teachings. For over an hour, Linda tried to tell this person that she accepted the fact that he believed things should have been different, and that she felt no need to convince him of anything. He, on the other hand, felt very compelled to point out “the error of her ways”. In short, he was being very difficult.

If I had been there, I would have been able to take care of the situation, but it reminded me that there are specific techniques to use in order to get someone else to come around to your way of thinking. And when this is impossible, you can always get the other person to not be so difficult. That is what I would like to share with you today.

There are two basic strategies for overcoming a difficult person. One is passive and the other is active. The passive strategy is one that has been taught by great motivational leaders throughout history. Christ phrased it this way, “If your enemy strikes you on the cheek, offer him the other cheek as well.” This does not mean that you actually ask to be beaten, but that you do not resist the attack. Gandhi also taught the path of no resistance.

With many personalities, if you don’t fight back, then they realize that they cannot “get a rise” out of you and move on to someone they can intimidate. This works best when the difficult person is being difficult as a means of ‘proving’ that they are strong and powerful. And this is usually the case when you have someone who feels very insecure about his or her own identity. In Linda’s case above, this was the tactic she tried to use, but it failed because the difficult person was not acting from a standpoint of insecurity.

In Linda’s case, she was trying to overcome a person who had a strong need to be right. With this kind of personality, resistance or not, they will continue to fight for what they believe is the right course of action. Religious wars have been all too common, and many political wars have been based on the same theme. In our lives, we usually don’t pursue the conflict long enough for it to escalate into an all-out war. When you find yourself in this kind of situation, you need to take an active approach to overcoming the difficult person.

The active approach has a few aspects that may be applied during the course of the encounter. The first aspect, which must be applied right from the start, and all through the encounter, is to communicate to the difficult person that they are fighting a losing battle. No matter what they try to say or do, they will not convince you to become any different than you are. Now this will not be something you say outright. If you do, then you are throwing out a challenge, and difficult people always love challenges. Don’t make the situation any more difficult than it is already. Instead, you will implement the second aspect of the active approach.

The second aspect is to engage the difficult person as though the two of you are on the same side, and not adversaries at all. Find common ground, and make sure that everything you say relates to that common ground the two of you share. Battles of all kinds are all based on differences, not on similarities and commonalities. Salespeople (if they are any good) all know that stressing the things you have in common with the other person makes that person like you more. Part of the active approach to overcoming difficult people is to turn that enemy into a friend. How often do you fight with your friends?

The third aspect of this approach is the most difficult, and requires an intimate knowledge of the other person’s viewpoint. And even if you know for a fact that you know the other person’s viewpoint inside and out, ask that difficult person to explain what they are thinking. This will do a couple of things for you. One, it will give this person an outlet for their energy. The more they talk, the less energy they have to fight with. It also makes them feel as if they have accomplished something. They’ve gotten their point across.

It will also give you the information you need to bring this person around to your way of thinking. There is a great truth that the only way to lead a horse to water is one step at a time. You have to start where the horse is! The same is true when persuading anyone to do anything. Whether you are trying to persuade your boss to give you a raise, your lover to go along with your plans, your kids to behave as you wish they would, or a difficult person to leave you alone, you always have to start where they are.

There’s one more thing that letting the difficult person talk could do for you. There is always the possibility that you could learn something new. Maybe you had never seen things the way this person sees them. Maybe from another perspective, the world could be seen as flat, or the sun revolves around the Earth, or your religion could become more effective in reaching its followers.

Benjamin Franklin, who has been acknowledged as a very wise man by many, learned that there were many times when he was mistaken about certain facts, and that he didn’t know everything. If you’re honest with yourself, you will find that you are not always right about everything either, right? Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to put up with a difficult person, but it gives you the next aspect of the active process to overcome them.

Placing a seed of doubt into the mind of your difficult person is the first step to moving them from where they are now to where you want them to be. They have to admit that they don’t know everything, and that they could be mistaken about just about anything. Even if you get no further than this, you can usually convince the difficult person to not be so difficult. You want them to start to think that they could be wrong, and that you could be right. Unfortunately, you can’t just say this to them, but you need to ask questions that will lead them to this thought.

If you find that you’ve gotten this far with your difficult person, then you could continue to ask questions (they lead thoughts so much better than flat statements, don’t you agree?) that will cause their mind to take one step at a time over to your way of thinking. Just remember that small steps work much better than giant leaps. Any small step that leads them closer to you is good. And also remember that most people resist any change; so don’t expect a complete reversal within minutes.

The only other thing I can say here in this short article is that those in the Keys To Power system learn even more methods which help change other people’s thinking and behavior. And they learn methods of keeping difficult people out of their lives completely, so they never have to overcome them in the first place.

I hope that I have given you some new tools to use in making your life easier. Use them with joy, and with Power!
by Alan Tutt

Alan Tutt is the creator of the phenomenally popular Keys To Power Mastery System available from http://www.KeysToPower.com. Become the Arnold Schwarzenegger of Mind Power using the Keys To Power Mastery System, and get everything you want in life.

“The happiest people are those who are too busy to notice whether they are or not.” William Feather

Who are the difficult or negative people in your life? Do you have to work, manage, or live with negativists, whiners and complainers? They are one of the most common difficult personalities in the workforce today. And managing workplace negativity is a skill in itself.

Believe it or not, research shows negativists, also known as whiners and complainers, have a strong need to be liked. They think that by complaining about how much work they have to do, they’ll gain empathy from others. Notice how these people often spend more time complaining than working? “Busy doing nothing” is how people describe the whiners and complainers in my leadership training workshops.

It pays to be tactfully direct whether you’re managing a whiner in the workplace, or just dealing with a difficult co-worker. For example, consider saying the following to a complainer co-worker, “Chris, I realize this is something you want to discuss, and at the same time I want to make sure I get back to work. It sounds like this sitation with so-and-so really bothers you. If I were you, I’d take it up directly with that person. Besides, I’d prefer not to get in the middle of it.” Make sure your tone is tactful and polite, yet firm. Usually these whiners and complainers will move on to a more “captive audience.”

Managing Negativity in the Workplace Means Not Allowing The Behavior To Continue.

If you’re managing a negative person, address the issue tactfully, yet promptly and directly. For example, say to them privately, “Chris, I want to bring something to your attention. You may not realize it, but when you come in here first thing at 8:00 a.m. and complain about our new policy, it’s beginning to look like a lot of negativity. I just wanted to mention it to you because you may not be aware of how you’re perceived.” They may be fully aware, explain it to them anyway!

As a manager or supervisor, you don’t want to be seen as enabling the behavior. Consider the effect it’ll have on other people if you don’t do anything about it. In managing negativity in the workplace, you have to look at the impact the difficult employee’s behavior is having on the morale of others.

If you’re managing whiners and complainers, or anyone for that matter, make certain never to criticize via email first. There is no tone or body language in an email message. The written word is often louder than the spoken word. Either meet with the employee in person, or on the phone discussing the issue with them as a live person. Don’t leave a message. As a manager or supervisor, you set the standard. If your difficult employee is going to react, better they react to YOU in person, or on the phone, as opposed to everyone else around them in the workplace. You certainly want to leave a paper trail by following up with an email, but don’t start off with email.

If you’re working with a difficult person, but not directly managing them, remember that negativists want to whine to people who will buy in to what they’re complaining, or gossiping about. When that happens, you’ve now got two individuals feeding off of each other. The people who allow the complainer to take over the conversation feel angry with themselves afterward for allowing it to happen. They sense they enabled the behavior because they’re “people pleasers” who can’t say no.

If this is you, it pays to practice role-playing with a friend who can give you honest feedback. How did you come across? Were you too tentative or too aggressive? What did your body language and tone of voice say about you? In face-to-face communication, body language accounts for 55% of what others believe about you. Tone of voice accounts for 38% and words only 7%.

In managing negativity in the workplace, I used to tell my employees to be tactfully direct with a negative, whiner/complainer co-worker. As a manager, I certainly did speak privately with the difficult employee, but my team members also had to do their part. Be careful not to internalize everything these difficult people say to you. Most likely, there is something going on with them. As a result, they’ve decided to take it out on everyone else! And your employees have a right to come to work and enjoy it.

Consider writing your true feelings about this difficult, negative person in a journal. Make certain to leave it in your car. This is not the kind of documentation you would want them to see! When you arrive home, tear up the pages or burn them. This signals that you are not letting their behavior affect you. Because the person who constantly angers you…controls you.

by Colleen Kettenhofen

Colleen Kettenhofen is a speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of “The Masters of Success,” as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. For free articles, e-newsletter, or to order the book visit http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com Topics: leadership, success, difficult people, public speaking. Colleen is available for keynotes, breakout sessions and seminars.
http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com

Hypnosis is an interesting subject. While you won’t be able to perform magic or miracles, and it’s not possible to magically get people to do anything, you can definitely use it to influence others. You just need to know how to do it properly… so let’s go through some guides that deal with human psychology.

covert hypnosis review

The least known course is “Covert Hypnosis”, which is actually the least expensive one at only $47. It also comes with a ton of bonuses, which makes it a great value product if you are strapped for cash. Sure, Underground Hypnosis and Covert Hypnosis both give more information, but they are a lot more expensive. It’s up to you as to which one you want to get.

conversational hypnosis review

Conversational Hypnosis is the highest ticket and most expensive hypnosis course on clickbank, with a price tag of $197. This is very high for a digital product. However, you will find that it delivers some extraordinary value, with tons of information. It is far more detailed than any other product out there.

When you get Conversational Hypnosis, you firstly get a document of over 100 pages in length going through everything. You also get mp3 recordings of everything, so you can absorb the material on your ipod anywhere you want. Also, you get Igor’s (the founder) private email address, as well as a forum where you can talk about hypnosis with other buyers. There is no other product that gives all this.

underground hypnosis review

Underground Hypnosis is one of the top selling hypnosis products on clickbank. You will find that the salespage is pretty cheesy, and it gives the impression that there is some amazingly secretive “black ops hypnosis” organization. While I doubt this is actually the case, the guide itself does give some pretty good information. It is divided into three parts. It is quite detailed, and gives some specific examples too. You will find that after reading this guide you will have a pretty good idea of hypnosis and how it really works.

With Underground Hypnosis, the first part deals with the “Black Mirror Operation” technique, which makes people feel attracted to you (useful for relationships). The second part goes through what you need to do to give a charismatic and confident aura, which can give you more respect and power. Finally, the last part (the meat of the course) tells you how to influence and persuade others.

They are out there. They may either be your boss, college professor, business partner, landlord, or even your own spouse, children, siblings or parents. Anyone can be a difficult person to someone else.

You may not admit it, but at one time or another all of us have been difficult people to other people.
It is vital to see if you are in a situation with a difficult person or if you yourself are beginning to be one. The first solution to any problem is recognizing the problem.

Most times, difficult people do not realize they are difficult. They do not see that they are demanding too much from other people. They think their attitude is just normal. Likewise, some of their victims may not see that they are dealing with difficult people.

It is vital that at this early point, we grasp the fact that avoiding difficult people does not solve the problem in question. As earlier mentioned, these people are everywhere. There is no privacy they cannot invade.

Ironically, the more successful you get the more difficult people you have to meet and cope with. Coping with difficult people might even be considered an essential skill to getting and staying successful in your life.

If you enjoy sailing in the sea you have to get used to its moods. The key is not to stay out of it but to learn to sail smoothly through thick and thin.

Likewise, it is learning how to deal with a difficult person that gives you smooth sailing amid a storm.
Once you master this, difficult people will start liking you.

So what makes a difficult person difficult?

Everyone out there is fighting a life battle of some kind. The battles may be fierce or mild. Different people have different stress tolerance. When people reach a state of high confusion and overwhelm, they become difficult. They, then, unconsciously project their frustration on you.

As a psychologist, my business is actually in dealing with difficult people, trying to make them less difficult. Once people become aware of their own inner pain, they begin to see how they bludgeon others with it, often unconsciously. Their lives are falling apart because they are critical, judgmental, and hostile to themselves and other people. Everything I do in a session is designed for only one purpose: to make them self-aware.

Given this opportunity to see other people more deeply, I have found the best way to stay objective enough to help them is to follow the advice of Don Miguel Ruiz, a brilliant Toltec philosopher.

He said that everyone is living in their own dream, their own version of reality. You have to understand that everything they are saying about you is only a projection from that state of unawareness. In fact, they do not see you at all, only their interpretation of what someone like you means to them. Thus, he advised, do not take things personally.

If you base your values and your meanings on someone else’s point of view, you have merely traded in your own uniqueness and become imprisoned in their dream. You are letting them define you. No one can truly understand you for they do not know you well enough to do it.

Once you really get this perspective, you can allow yourself the freedom to see them as upset about something that has nothing to do with you but over something that is bothering them. They are experiencing something about you that does not even exist in your reality.

Often, too, they do not even use the same words in the same way you do. Let me give you a simple example of the often invisible linguistic barrier that arises between people. Yesterday, I was having a discussion with someone about the subject of consciousness. She argued that it had no value for her. This was puzzling to me because what I was witnessing was a being that was animated because of consciousness. After some investigation, I finally understood that she had narrowed the word down to mean “figuring things out.” Thus, while I was defining the word as “sentience, life-force, and awareness,” she was defining it as “limited, circuitous thinking.”

Thus, even when two people are discussing what appears to be the same topic, they are actually talking about two completely different things. Each in their own minds is convinced that they are correct because each is viewing something that is perfectly aligned with their own precepts and vision.

The best way to cope with difficult people is to not take what they have to say personally.

If this does not make sense to you, consider the following. 

Difficult people are difficult because: 

(a) They project their inner pain on you; and you just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

(b) They do not even experience you as you are; but only interpret you a certain way because of their limited experience of you.

(c) They do not even see you as you are; but are only caught up in a dream state of what someone like you stirs up in them.

(d) They do not even hear the words you say; but are only interpreting the meaning of your words according to their own hidden definition.

Thus, when you really look at it deeply, it is not wise to take things personally. Once you remain free of getting stuck in their view of you, then you can intuitively understand how to cope with the situation.
by Saleem Rana

Saleem Rana would love to share his inspiring ideas His book Never Ever Give Up tells you how. It is offered at no cost as a way to help YOU succeed. The Empowered Soul

How much percentage in a class of 30 students would agree to you that Mathematics is a great subject? You might answer “around 10 to 35%” and that is all. True, most kids today are not thrilled to solve Mathematical equations not because they do not know the processes involved, but because of the lack of interest in it.

In a similar way, our daily activities do not mean 100% joy and 0% problems. At times, we have more problems than joy. Fortunately, some individual are skilled in handling problems right. Want to know their secrets?

Well, carefree people, as some might call them, have one thing in common: optimism. These kinds of people do not mean they never had problems before. Try remembering a colleague, a relative, a friend, or someone from your community who has the brightest smile at the start until the end of the day. How many times did you see that person frown? Carefree people are fun to be with because their attitude is contagious. Have you tried asking them how they carry their problems lightly? Below are their secrets:

1. Learn to control your feelings by separating negative feelings from positive thoughts. This is the first step in solving problems. Only after you have cleared your mind with unnecessary thoughts can you start solving your problems accordingly.

2. Treat each problem as challenge and opportunity for self-improvement.

3. Free that scapegoat attitude. Are you pointing your finger or blaming others for mishaps? Take responsibilities for your mistakes. No one is perfect, so never put the blames on others.

4. Use a pen and paper, and rate the depth of the problem and possible answers to your problem. Probability law principle will allow you to evaluate how far you have thought of resolving your problems.

5. Keep a journal and treat it as a “secret friend” who is always willing to listen to your grievances. Write your feelings freely.

6. Develop a noteworthy hobby, for this will help you lessen or minimize stress in your life.

7. Take time off from work and create variations of your daily schedule. Relax and check out the best movies in town. Travel and meet new wonderful people. You will find these activities worthwhile in the long run. More resources on Learn to Solve Your Problems and Pogdam.

They are out there. They may either be your boss, college professor, business partner, landlord, or even your own spouse, children, siblings or parents. Anyone can be a difficult person to someone else.

You may not admit it — but at one time or another; all of us have been difficult people to other people.

It is vital to see if you are in a situation with a difficult person or if you yourself are beginning to be one. The first solution to any problem is recognizing the problem.

Most times, difficult people do not realize they are difficult. They don’t see that they are demanding too much from other people. They think their attitude is just normal. Likewise, some of their victims may not see that they are dealing with difficult people.

It’s vital that at this early point, we grasp the fact that avoiding difficult people does not solve the problem in question. As earlier mentioned, these people are everywhere. There is no privacy they cannot invade.

Ironically, the more successful you get the more difficult people you have to meet and cope with. Coping with difficult people might even be considered an essential skill to getting and staying successful in your life.

If you enjoy sailing in the sea you have to get used to its moods. The key is not to stay out of it but to learn to sail smoothly through thick and thin. Likewise, it is learning how to deal with a difficult person that gives you smooth sailing amid a storm.

Once you master this, difficult people will start liking you.

So what makes a difficult person difficult?

Everyone out there is fighting a life battle of some kind. The battles may be fierce or mild. Different people have different stress tolerance. When people reach a state of high confusion and overwhelm, they become difficult. They, then, unconsciously project their frustration on you.

As a psychologist, my business is actually in dealing with difficult people, trying to make them less difficult. Once people become aware of their own inner pain, they begin to see how they bludgeon others with it, often unconsciously. Their lives are falling apart because they are critical, judgmental, and hostile to themselves and other people. Everything I do in a session is designed for only one purpose: to make them self-aware.

Given this opportunity to see other people more deeply, I have found the best way to stay objective enough to help them is to follow the advice of Don Miguel Ruiz, a brilliant philosopher. He said that everyone is living in their own dream, their own version of reality. You have to understand that everything they are saying about you is only a projection from that state of unawareness. In fact, they do not see you at all, only their interpretation of what someone like you means to them. Thus, he advised–do not take things personally.

If you base your values and your meanings on someone else’s point of view, you have merely traded in your own uniqueness and become imprisoned in their dream. You are letting them define you. No one can truly understand you…for they do not know you well enough to do it.

Once you really get this perspective, you can allow yourself the freedom to see them as they are–i.e. upset about something that has nothing to do with you but over something that is bothering them. They are experiencing something about you that does not even exist in your reality.

Often, too, they do not even use the same words in the same way you do. Let me give you a simple example of the often invisible linguistic barrier that arises between people. Yesterday, I was having a discussion with someone about “consciousness.” She argued that it had no value for her. This was puzzling to me…because what I was witnessing was a being that was animated because of consciousness. After some investigation, I finally understood that she had narrowed the word down to mean “figuring things out.” Thus, while I was defining the word as “sentience, life-force, and awareness,” she was defining it as “limited, circuitous thinking.”

Thus, even when two people are discussing what appears to be the same topic, they are actually talking about two completely different things. Each in their own minds are convinced that they are correct–because each is viewing something that is perfectly aligned with their own precepts and own vision.

The best way to cope with difficult people is to not take what they have to say personally.

If this does not make sense to you, consider the following.

Difficult people are difficult because:

(a) They project their inner pain on you; and you just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
(b) They do not even experience you as you are; but only interpret you a certain way because of their limited experience of you.
(c) They do not even see you as you are; but are only caught up in a dream state of what someone like you stirs up in them.
(d) They do not even hear the words you say; but are only interpreting the meaning of your words according to their own hidden definition.

Thus, when you really look at it deeply, it is not wise to take things personally. Once you remain free of getting stuck in their view of you, then you can intuitively understand how to cope with the situation.
by Saleem Rana

Saleem Rana is a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. If you would like to learn how to finally stop difficult people from upsetting you and ruining your life, then you can get more information at http://theempoweredsoul.com/SelfImprovementBooks/difficultpeople.html

“An overburdened overstretched executive is the best executive, because he or she doesn’t have the time to meddle, to deal in trivia, to bother people.”
Jack Welch
Dealing with difficult people can make your life and your job miserable. Beyond a point, you cannot control difficult people. You can only control how you react to them. If these difficult people consistently anger or intimidate you, or simply rattle your cage, they ultimately control you. In dealing with difficult people, it begs us to ask the question, “Might I be a difficult person?!” We can all possess difficult people traits, but what about those individuals who are this way all the time?
3 Tips to Remember When Dealing with Difficult People
1) First learn and understand their behavior patterns. When are these people most difficult? What types of behavior makes them difficult people? Are they difficult only with you or with others as well?
2) Don’t argue with overly aggressive or excessively difficult people. These individuals often have a desire for dissension and thrive on chaos. By arguing and wanting to “win” it only adds fuel to the fire.
3) Don’t take their behavior personally. Often, they are impossible to be around because of something going on with them.
5 Common Types of Difficult People
Complainer/Whiner/Negativist: Research shows these difficult people often have an excessive need to be liked and want sympathy. By complaining and being negative, they think they’ll gain attention. These difficult people gain attention but not in a positive way. It pays to be tactfully direct with the negativist. For example, saying to them, “I understand this is something you want to talk about, and at the same time I want to make sure I get back to performing my work.” Dealing with difficult people this way will usually cause them to move on to someone else; a more “captive audience” who they think will listen to their excessive whining.
Another key phrase is to say, “Pat, I want to bring something to your attention, and you may not even be aware of it. When you come in to work first thing in the morning complaining to the other staff about our new policy, it’s beginning to look like a lot of negativity. I just wanted to mention it because you may not be aware of how you’re coming across.” If you think they’re already aware of it, explain it to them anyway. Dealing with difficult people requires diplomacy and tact.
Know-it-All: Listen and know what drives them. When dealing with difficult people like this, ask yourself if they seem to have an excessive need for control. Or, do they seem insecure, but want to appear to have all the facts on just about everything? Maybe these difficult people are threatened by you. First, let them vent within reason. Often, once they’ve let out all their “hot air,” then they’ll be more likely to listen to you. If not, and they start talking over you, it may be necessary to say, “So and so, I really have listened to everything you have to say about such-and-such, and if you’d give me just a moment, I can help you as far as…..” Be direct, yet polite and tactful.
Exploder: When dealing with difficult people such as this proceed with caution. Wait until they’re finished “erupting” and have “cooled their jets.” You may be better off not saying much at all. Approach them again when they are in a good mood. If they are never in a good mood, approach them when they are in a better mood.
Sniper: Dealing with difficult people who stealthily throw little digs your way are tricky contenders. After they toss innuendos in a sometimes sarcastic tone and you show that you’re hurt, they accuse you of having “no sense of humor.” In this case, consider ignoring them altogether. In the future they’ll be less likely to throw in little digs because they won’t get the reaction they’re looking for from you. As Zig Ziglar once said, “No one can get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up.”
Gossip: These difficult people either are bored, don’t have enough to occupy their time, or simply like to make others look bad and themselves look good. They don’t realize that when they’re gossiping about everyone else, that people are silently wondering, “I wonder what she/he says about me when I’m not around?!” Sometimes gossips “gossip” as a distraction and to procrastinate important tasks. Often what they’re gossiping about doesn’t even affect them. Next time this happens, listen intently, then politely say, “And how does this affect you?” They’ll get the point. Be very careful, however, with your tone of voice. You do not want to come across at all as sarcastic. Besides, the latin root of “sarcasm” is “sarco” meaning tearing of the flesh!
Difficult People = Different People
It’s been said that difficult people are often “different” people. Often a person appears difficult because they are so different from us. Dealing with difficult people isn’t easy. It takes practice to learn how to deal with them effectively.
If you are forced to interact with certain difficult people at times consider the following: keep the conversation light. Talk about “news, weather, and sports” and nothing else. Don’t let them press those buttons!
by Colleen Kettenhofen
Colleen Kettenhofen is a motivational speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of “The Masters of Success,” as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield.
http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com Popular topics: leadership, management, difficult people, presentation skills. To order the book, or for free articles and newsletter visit
http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com

The leading and Famous Architect in Japan for a quarter-century after the Second World War. Tange studied at the University of Tokyo, graduating in 1938, and worked for Kunio Maekawa (1938-41) before returning to his alma mater to study city planning in the graduate school (1942-5). He became assistant professor of architecture in 1946 and received a D.Eng. in 1959. In 1961 he became the principal of Kenzo Tange + Urtec (now called Kenzo Tange Associates). He was professor of urban engineering at the University of Tokyo from 1963 to 1974, when he became a professor emeritus. A second- generation Modern Movement architect, Tange attempted in the first half of his career to meld Modernism — particularly the Modernism of Le Corbusier – with traditional architectural forms, producing some of the most striking works of Twentieth Century Japanese architecture. In the late 1960s he repudiated his earlier regionalism and became an exponent of an abstract internationalist style, which he has displayed in numerous projects, particularly in the Middle East and South Asia. He has been consistent, however, in his concern for a clear structural order, and his formal virtuosity has rarely been questioned. As an urbanist, he attempted to give physical coherence to the city by the introduction of so-called “megastructures”, huge structures accommodating services and transportation, and he was closely associated with (but never a member of) the Metabolist movement, which adopted a similar approach. He was also influential as the teacher of many leading third- generation Japanese architects, including Arata Isozaki, Kisho Kurokawa, and Fumihiko Maki. He has received the gold medals of the RIBA (1965), the AIA (1966) and the French Academy of Architecture (1973) and the Pritzker Architecture Prize (1987).

“No one can get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up.”
Zig Ziglar
1.Listen more effectively. Listening is the number one tool in communication, especially when dealing with difficult people.
2.Step back and analyze the situation from an outside perspective.
When we are less emotionally involved and “cool our jets,” the answers come for how to effectively
deal with them. Whether dealing with a difficult boss, dealing with a difficult co-worker, or spouse.
3.Ignoring often doesn’t work. The tension becomes so thick you can cut it with a knife.
4.Choose your battles when dealing with difficult people. There are times when you have to “let it go.” Know when to speak up and
when to pick your battles.
5.Criticize in person, praise in public. Never publicly criticize someone as you will look like the bad guy
and the difficult person will only become more upset.
6.Maintain respect for them – even if you disagree or dislike them. At least acknowledge what they say.
Think about how you would want to be treated.
7.Seek first to understand then to be understood – especially when dealing with difficult people.
8.People often won’t care what you think unless they think you care. At least attempt to see it from
the difficult person’s perspective.
9.Maintain high expectations and standards if you are managing this employee. If you don’t do this you
will be seen as enabling their unacceptable behavior.
10.Strive for greater communication. Often, it’s not that there isn’t enough communication, it’s that it’s
bad communication. So work on improving your conflict resolution skills. If you are a manager,
consider training everyone in conflict resolution. One of the main reasons teams fail is because some of the
people on the team don’t like each other, or aren’t skilled in handling conflict.
11.Invest in communication skills courses and conflict resolution skills courses to improve the part
you can control – you.
12.Don’t lose emotional control. Antagonists and “passive-aggressives” will often try to push your buttons.
13.Avoid being around difficult people when they’re in a bad mood. If they’re always in a bad mood, try
being around them when they are in a “better” mood!
14.Accept, change or reject. Know that ultimately you only have three choices when dealing with difficult people 1) Accept the situation
knowing it won’t change. 2) Attempt to change your relationship with them by changing how you react.
3) If it’s really affecting your well being, it may be time to “reject” the situation and move on.
15.No “but’s” allowed! Don’t follow giving them positive reinforcement with, “But on the other hand…”
The word “but” only negates everything positive you just said.
16.Non-verbally position yourself at their eye level. For example, if they are sitting when you talk with them,
sit. If they are standing, stand. Converse at their level.
17.Avoid the word “need” when possible and use “want” instead. Saying politely and tactfully, “John, I want
to have the project in to me by noon so that we’ll meet our deadline. “Want” is more assertive as long as it’s
in the right tone.
18.Watch your tone of voice. Avoid an autocratic or sarcastic tone. The Latin root of the word “sarcasm” is
“sarco” meaning tearing of the flesh!
19.In face-to-face communication, words account for only 7% of what people notice and believe about you.
Tone is 38% and body language 55%. So a full 93% is tone and body language.
20.Give sincere positive reinforcement when they do something well. Show genuine appreciation.
Often difficult people are difficult because they feel unappreciated.
21. Avoid absolutes such as, “You always” and “You never.” It puts difficult people further on the defensive.
22.Don’t take it personally. Often they’re difficult because of something going on with them.
23.Watch your mental state. Don’t let them drag you down. A little of that can be normal but don’t allow
it to go on.
24.Remember the person who constantly angers you, or constantly intimidates you, controls you.
25.Mutually agree to move on. Agree to disagree. If this isn’t possible, at least “move on” in your own mind.
26.Attempt to understand what’s driving that difficult behavior. Get at the root cause, even if you only try to
figure it out in your own mind.
27.E + R = 0. Event + Reaction = Outcome. You can’t control the event, but you can control the outcome
based on how you react or respond. Be careful how you respond.
For example, there’s the story of the couple who were divorcing.
A neighbor said to the wife, “Do you think you’d ever get back together?”
She replied, “No, because we have said things to each other that are so horrible,
that even after apologizing they could never be taken back.
There’s no way we’d get back together.” The moral of the story…be careful what you say.
Once those words are out they’re hard to take back.
“The disease of me often results in the defeat of us.”
Pat Riley of NBA fame
by Colleen Kettenhofen
Colleen Kettenhofen is a motivational speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of “The Masters of Success,” as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. She has spoken in 47 states & 6 countries. Popular topics: difficult people, success, presentation skills, leadership, life balance. To order the book online, or for more free articles visit http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com

Copyright © 2005-2006 by Gary Screaton Page. All rights reserved.

http://www.pressingyourownbuttons.com
OR http://www.garyscreatonpage.com

Have you ever had to deal with difficult people? Of course, you have. Unfortunately, difficult people are a fact of life. Knowing how to work with them can have a big impact on your bottom line.

Plenty of information is available on handling customer complaints. But, what about difficult people themselves, how do you handle them? Whether they are customers or employees, difficult people can be – well, difficult! What they say, do, or even how they look can significantly affect the productivity of you or your employees. Some people make us tense. Others we find ourselves avoiding. Still others we expend considerable energy trying to change or appease. None of these responses is satisfactory. As soon as we lose control of a business relationship, we also lose the sale that may have resulted. Everyone in the hospitality industry needs to know how to work effectively with difficult people.

By taking control of your interactions with clients, you take control of the sales process. Ethically controlling the sales process clearly means more sales. Doing so leads to greater customer satisfaction. Everyone wins when you can take control of yourself and others don’t!

You can stop people from pressing your “hot buttons.” Take control of your life so others don’t! ™ To learn more, CLICK HERE! Results Guaranteed!

[Notice: You may reproduce and distribute this article without charge, provided you do not alter or change it in any way, and provided all links, credits, and this notice remain. Any other copying and/or distribution are expressly prohibited.]

by Gary Screaton Page

Gary Screaton Page is “The Laser Thinking Guy!” With over 40 years training experience, Gary knows people. Let Gary Screaton Page show you how to “Take control of your life so others don’t!™
http://www.pressingyourownbuttons.com OR http://www.garyscreatonpage.com