Published by admin on 24 Mar 2008
The Inward Challenge Of Difficult People
The world is full of difficult people. Without them, what would 24 hours news channels do? In the work place, difficult people are a serious problem. At best, they may be a minor irritant. At worst, they cause illness, disruption, staff leaving and possible tribunal hearings.
How do you handle a difficult person? The first step lies in the phrase “difficult person”. The real issue is difficult behaviour – behaviour which causes a negative reaction inside you. This may sound like I am blaming you for the problem. I’m not, but, as the only person in this relationship that you can change is you, I am focussing on you. Therefore, forget focussing on them for the moment and focus on you.
Can you identify what in this behaviour distresses you? For example, I had a boss who barked orders and had what I perceived as an aggressive personality. My reaction was to feel frightened, demoralised, stupid and sometimes really angry. Of course he didn’t know any of this!
As time went on, I realised a couple of things. The first was he was who he was. The second is that I am who I am. The third was that I either needed to sort this out or quit.
So I asked him for a meeting. I started by focussing on the impact his specific behaviour was having on me and my team. I was very specific, stating clearly what had happened and what the consequences had been. For example, he liked to wander around my team, asking them what they were doing and then giving them other things to do. I explained that not only did my team find this confusing, they resented his doing so. I also explained that it tended to undermine me and give the impression that he had no confidence in my ability to manage and lead my team. I explained how his shouting caused a fear reaction, making it hard for me to think and give him the answers he wanted.
This was not a comfortable conversation, but it worked because I was able to go on to say what I wanted. He explained why he did what he did – the walking around was because his office was elsewhere in the building and he did not want my team to feel cut off from him or ignored. He also explained what of my behaviour was annoying -yes, I was annoying him by my quiet and seeming inability to decide anything.
We worked out a compromise – he would come to more team meetings, he would continue to walk around my team but with me, and he would give me a little more time to answer in between his questions. I agreed to think and speak more in bullet points with him, and to make sure he had copies of agendas and minutes in good time. We also decide to meet more often for less time.
This approach of focussing first on me – my reactions, my needs – and then moving out to focus on how we could work together was successful. Try it, and give difficult people the one-two.
by Beth Peakall
Beth PeakallLevel: PlatinumBeth Peakall graduated with a BA in Political Science in 1986 and completed an MSc in Housing in 2004. She is a member of the Chartered …
Beth Peakall is MD of TCLuk Training (http://www.tcluk.com) and TCLuk Housing (http://www.housing.tcluk.com), one of the UK’s leading housing consultancies.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Beth_Peakall
Published by admin on 18 Mar 2008
How to Deal with Difficult People Using the Power of Persuasion
Have you ever experienced feeling agitated and hot-tempered because you have no idea on how to deal with difficult people in your life? Although there are no certain methods or steps on how to deal with difficult people, there is one highly suggested idea – and that is by using the power of persuasion.
How To Deal With Difficult People At Home And At The Workplace
If you find yourself having a lot of arguments and bickering moments with the people who live in the same house with you or work in the same office as you, you may consider those people as difficult to deal with.
They may either be too insensitive (or sensitive), too pessimistic, or too arrogant and acting like extreme know-it-alls. Whatever their negative attitudes may be, the bottom line is that they are difficult to deal with.
You may find yourself getting irritated or annoyed when you see a member of your family or a colleague that is difficult to get along with. The worst part is, you have to accept the fact that you have to live or work with them and see them almost everyday.
You don’t really want to be annoyed and irritated for the rest of your life, right? Well, if that is the case, then you may just have to learn the art of how to deal with difficult people through the power of persuasion.
If you find yourself on the brink of having a heated argument with a member of your family or a co-worker because of your different views pertaining to a certain issue, you don’t have to raise your voice to make a point; you can smoothly share your point of view or your side of the story by using a well-modulated voice and a steady eye contact.
By showing difficult people that you are not greatly affected by the issue or the situation, you can surprise them and make them wonder how you can be so calm and collected when confronting or making/emphasizing a point.
By using the power of persuasion, you aim to convince someone that your point of views, opinions or side of the story is sensible and is worthy of consideration. Admittedly, knowing how to deal with difficult people is not an easy thing to do because most people who try to handle their difficult co-workers or family members end up in fights and heated arguments due to misunderstandings.
Persuasion Is Not A Perfect Tool To Handle Difficult People, But It’s Worth A Try.
Although persuasion is a highly suggested method to lessen the tension brewing around difficult people, it does not necessarily guarantee that it will work in all kinds of situations but it’s definitely a method worth trying.
Learning to use the power of persuasion is not an easy thing to do, but with enough practice and determination, you can most definitely succeed in doing so. With enough charm, wit and persuasive ability, you’ll able to lessen the chances of having heated arguments and fights.
If you want to learn how to handle difficult people, you should start practicing your charm and wit. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be too aggressive or hostile when you want to make a point; just be pleasant, calm and collected when you are around difficult people and you will see the difference.
by Michael Lee
Michael LeeLevel: PlatinumMichael Lee is a master persuader, professional copywriter, self-improvement expert, and author of “How To Be An Expert Persuader… In 20 Days or Less.” This …
Want to use the art and power of persuasion to easily make anyone like you, win more friends, explode your income, and persuade anyone to eagerly do what you want? Then go to http://www.20daypersuasion.com and be a persuasion expert like Michael Lee.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Lee
Published by admin on 17 Mar 2008
Dealing Difficult People And Managing Conflict Effectively – Hone In Your Negotiation Skills
In dealing difficult people and managing conflict effectively, you need to understand and apply your negotiation skills with tact to deal with every relationship and it could be your boss, colleagues, business contacts, friends or even spouse or acquaintances. The ways to dealing difficult people or managing conflict is also to first look at your own expectations and agendas and then, skillfully apply your negotiation skills fairly.
Difficult people can be of many personality types that you may encounter and that can be those of intimidating and provocative type to those resort to threats to get what they want.
There are those who always sidestep an issue, procrastinate and avoid talking the topic. While on the contrary; there is the “touch-me-nots” type whom shows physical fear when confronted.
Another type is the “take-it-or-leave-it” or “all-or-nothing” attitude.
The answer to dealing difficult people is not to try to eliminate it or sweep its problem under the carpet as sooner or later; there will be something else that triggers it to surface again. The secret is to how to deal with different kinds of people you interact with daily and have the upper hand in reaching well-negotiated settlements that are in the interest of all concerned.
Managing conflict
Conflict is the result of two different points of view and it can be used as a tool for both parties to grow. It is also neutral and what makes it positive or negative is how conflict or the differences is managed.
You cannot change or manage another person behavior but knowing which approach works best with which personality is your key to better negotiation experiences.
Conflict can be summarized into just two: personal and / or organizational issues and everyone is right in his own mind and entitled to his opinion. It gives the opportunity to grow, learn, modify or adjust a person beliefs or behavior.
What to say and what not to say is also important in managing conflict. For example; “What” warrant factual responses and “Why” are judgmental. Compare the followings;
- Why did you do that? (Confrontational)
- What was the motivation for doing that? (Information seeking)
Negotiation skills
Never be pressured into unacceptable agreements. Insist on fair, reasonable agreement terms that are beneficial to all and continue to negotiate only if fair procedures can be agreed upon.
You cannot always make everyone 100 per cent happy and what you can do is ensure that what you have suggested, recommended, solved or anticipated is reasonable and/or acceptable to everyone.
When dealing with those of bullying, intimidating, provocative and those resort to threats.
Be assertive right from the start when dealing with this group of people. Confront and tell him if he is behaving in a way that is not acceptable to you and name that behavior. Leave no doubt what is acceptable and what is not and as to where you would draw the line.
Create negative consequences that far outstrip the benefits that they think they will get from their bullying behaviors. After having the upper hand in this situation, always offer alternatives deals so that he does not loose his pride and offer solution like “why don’t we work together on this….” This way it causes him to be more conscious of his behavior that has an effect on others.
Dealing with those who tend to procrastinate, postpone decisions, change the subject or avoid the topic and the “touch-me-nots” type.
Show him the consequences of his decision. Present it as a non-threatening factual report and you are merely stating obvious consequences that he cannot take it lightly.
Offer these people reassurance, help to build their self esteem and make them realize that they have something to contribute.
When dealing with “take-it-or-leave-it” or “all-or-nothing” attitude.
Silence is the most effective weapons in dealing with people with attitude problem. Remember, in this situation say absolutely nothing and who ever open its mouth first, looses. With no ammunition to keep the confrontation going, he will start to backtrack and becoming more reasonable.
Another tactic is to cut the exchanges with these people short by saying: I’ll talk with you further on this when you are more reasonable and change the subject. Pretend not to hear the demand and only when the attack stops; bring the real problem back and treat the attack that has never happens.
When people makes unreasonable demands, do not object outright and instead, allow him to justify his position or vent his feelings. Turn that into a problem-solving activity that will make the other feel that he has contributed positively
Learn in dealing difficult people and managing conflict with your negotiation skills as teaching about you and your tendencies. It takes two people or more to trigger the above.
by Anthony Lim
To read more of his articles, please visit: http://www.companyandpeople.com/
Author: Anthony Lim
http://www.companyandpeople.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anthony_Lim