Dealing with Difficult People Blog

1. Don’t get Hooked !!!
When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you feel angry, frustrated or annoyed - this is known as a Hook.
We can even become “Hooked” by the way people look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general demeanour.
If we take the bait then we are allowing the other person to control our behaviour. This can then result in an unproductive response. We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay unhooked.

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Bullying Problems in University

This is an extract from a blog called Bullying of Academics in Higher Education. Bullying is not something that we expect in a university setting, and yet this blog demonstrates that bullying is an issue for higher academia also

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Managing relationships in the workplace is the key to success. Whether you are in management or are an employee, learning how to co-exist in the same workplace with others can make or break your career. This includes working with
difficult people. They can be annoying, rude and disruptive and can make us angry and frustrated. The real challenge then, is to work effectively with them and encourage them to express their positive attributes. But how is this done?

How does one get past the annoyances? I believe that answer comes from within ourselves.
Our responses to difficult people is the result of how we view the world and interpret their words and actions. This view may not be accurate but it is our opinion. This, then shapes our responses and is a reflection of how we interpret the world. When this does not make sense to us, because it is not how we would have behaved, it annoys us. What we must do is examine our own emotions and interpretations and those of difficult people. What are all the reasons for a person’s response? If we can try to understand their perspective, they will become less annoying to us.
We utilize many different skills when we interpret others. Both verbal and non-verbal cues give context in forming our opinions. We interpret each other’s intentions and believe our opinion to be correct when it may be very far from
the truth. For example, we interpret a difficult person’s behavior as threatening and we become defensive and angry too. We may even misinterpret the other person by misreading their body language and mood.
Difficult people may be responding defensively based on their own emotional interpretations. They may be frustrated, worried or scared. In addition, they may also be misinterpreting your actions!
Use the following tips to guide you in dealing with difficult people.

- Begin each interaction with an open mind
- Approach each conversation as a challenge to remain calm and try to understand what the other person is trying to communicate. It will allow them to drop their defenses and communicate in a more pleasant manner.
- Give the difficult person two choices. This will allow them to feel in control and you will maintain control yourself.
- Acting confidently will calm the difficult person down.
- Use non-threatening body language.
- Your mood is contagious. Others will adjust their emotional state to align with yours.
Learning to get along with difficult people will set the tone in your workplace. Even difficult people can have caring hearts. If we only discover that part within them, we can communicate better and not be so threatened by them. Others will follow your example and will ultimately reflect the bottom line performance of your business.
by Ann Lewis

Ann Lewis, CTA-CC Expert Author and Owner Simply Life Travel http://www.simplylifetravel.vacationmedia.net/”
Own your own home based online Travel Business. Our business partner is Travelocity & our patented Compensation plan is excellent! Our prices are competitive and would like you book your travel with us. We would love EARN your business!

We are all capable of being difficult - whether that’s the noisy, aggressive difficult or the quieter more passive version. On the basis that nobody is perfect, I’m sure there are times when we’ve all been labelled ‘difficult’.
Generally it’s not the person who is difficult but their behaviour at that time. Someone may be really straight and clear in communicating with people when things are going well, however, if the chips are down, they can become awkward, angry and perhaps even aggressive.
Good News! Some tactics to deal with difficult people…
Before you do anything, think about what might be behind the behaviour. For example, if someone hasn’t received what they were promised (perhaps a deadline was missed) then there are probably implications for them. Get into the other
person’s shoes and you will be better able to deal with the situation.
If the person is noisy and loud:

• Listen to what are they saying? What’s important to them?
• Show them you are listening by summarising and clarifying what they’ve said.
• If they are exceptionally loud and aggressive then stand up to them if you back down they will always expect you to do so. You do NOT need to be aggressive in return - be straight, be adult and don’t slip into childish ‘tit for tat’ behaviour.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Ask more questions if they are demanding and it’s unclear what they want then ask for clarification. Make it clear that you want to help and show them the benefits of doing what you ask. (Eg. “If you tell me more specifically what
  you want, I will then be able to plan time to meet that deadline for you.”

If the person is quieter:

• Use open, specifically ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions, to get them engaged in dialogue.
• Make sure you give people time to respond and don’t answer the question for them.
• Observe their body language , what are they ‘not’ saying? Seek clarification if you think there’s something they are not saying.
• Maintain open body language yourself. Ensure your eye contact is not constant - it can be quite off-putting.
• Avoid making flippant comments such as: “Ah, you’ve spoken at last! We thought you’d gone to sleep!” Nothing is guaranteed to make a quiet person even quieter and less likely to get involved.

You may not be able to go from sparring partners to best mates overnight, but, using some of these tactics, you should be able to move closer to a better quality working relationship.
by Sharon Langford
Copyright: Sharon Langford 2007. I’m a personal development coach and work with groups and individuals who want to change, grow and become the best they can be. I offer 1:1 coaching, e-courses and group workshops. More information
can be found at my website:
http://www.sharonlangford.com Visit the site to sign up for my FREE self-analysis tool and 40 practical time management solutions to help you manage yourself more effectively.