Dealing with Difficult People Blog

Start A Crusade To Help Difficult People

Countless sad songs have been dedicated to lonely people who can’t seem to cope up with the world. A hit song in the seventies lamented that “sometimes it feels like you and me against the world.” For all we know, it might be that most of us think the whole world is against us in some way or another.

Difficult people are among the lonely. In their inability to cope with their surroundings, they are often avoided by other people.

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Managing Negativity In The Workplace: Negativists, Whiners and Complainers

“The happiest people are those who are too busy to notice whether they are or not.” William Feather

Who are the difficult or negative people in your life? Do you have to work, manage, or live with negativists, whiners and complainers? They are one of the most common difficult personalities in the workforce today. And managing workplace negativity is a skill in itself.

Believe it or not, research shows negativists, also known as whiners and complainers, have a strong need to be liked. They think that by complaining about how much work they have to do, they’ll gain empathy from others. Notice how these people often spend more time complaining than working? “Busy doing nothing” is how people describe the whiners and complainers in my leadership training workshops.

It pays to be tactfully direct whether you’re managing a whiner in the workplace, or just dealing with a difficult co-worker. For example, consider saying the following to a complainer co-worker, “Chris, I realize this is something you want to discuss, and at the same time I want to make sure I get back to work. It sounds like this sitation with so-and-so really bothers you. If I were you, I’d take it up directly with that person. Besides, I’d prefer not to get in the middle of it.” Make sure your tone is tactful and polite, yet firm. Usually these whiners and complainers will move on to a more “captive audience.”

Managing Negativity in the Workplace Means Not Allowing The Behavior To Continue.

If you’re managing a negative person, address the issue tactfully, yet promptly and directly. For example, say to them privately, “Chris, I want to bring something to your attention. You may not realize it, but when you come in here first thing at 8:00 a.m. and complain about our new policy, it’s beginning to look like a lot of negativity. I just wanted to mention it to you because you may not be aware of how you’re perceived.” They may be fully aware, explain it to them anyway!

As a manager or supervisor, you don’t want to be seen as enabling the behavior. Consider the effect it’ll have on other people if you don’t do anything about it. In managing negativity in the workplace, you have to look at the impact the difficult employee’s behavior is having on the morale of others.

If you’re managing whiners and complainers, or anyone for that matter, make certain never to criticize via email first. There is no tone or body language in an email message. The written word is often louder than the spoken word. Either meet with the employee in person, or on the phone discussing the issue with them as a live person. Don’t leave a message. As a manager or supervisor, you set the standard. If your difficult employee is going to react, better they react to YOU in person, or on the phone, as opposed to everyone else around them in the workplace. You certainly want to leave a paper trail by following up with an email, but don’t start off with email.

If you’re working with a difficult person, but not directly managing them, remember that negativists want to whine to people who will buy in to what they’re complaining, or gossiping about. When that happens, you’ve now got two individuals feeding off of each other. The people who allow the complainer to take over the conversation feel angry with themselves afterward for allowing it to happen. They sense they enabled the behavior because they’re “people pleasers” who can’t say no.

If this is you, it pays to practice role-playing with a friend who can give you honest feedback. How did you come across? Were you too tentative or too aggressive? What did your body language and tone of voice say about you? In face-to-face communication, body language accounts for 55%25 of what others believe about you. Tone of voice accounts for 38%25 and words only 7%25.

In managing negativity in the workplace, I used to tell my employees to be tactfully direct with a negative, whiner/complainer co-worker. As a manager, I certainly did speak privately with the difficult employee, but my team members also had to do their part. Be careful not to internalize everything these difficult people say to you. Most likely, there is something going on with them. As a result, they’ve decided to take it out on everyone else! And your employees have a right to come to work and enjoy it.

Consider writing your true feelings about this difficult, negative person in a journal. Make certain to leave it in your car. This is not the kind of documentation you would want them to see! When you arrive home, tear up the pages or burn them. This signals that you are not letting their behavior affect you. Because the person who constantly angers you…controls you.

by Colleen Kettenhofen

Colleen Kettenhofen is a speaker, workplace expert, %26 co-author of “The Masters of Success,” as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. For free articles, e-newsletter, or to order the book visit http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com Topics: leadership, success, difficult people, public speaking. Colleen is available for keynotes, breakout sessions and seminars.
http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com

There are many Stop Bullying strategies one can employ when it is understood how bullying affects others, and the ways in which bullying can he harmful.

To deliberately hurt another over a period of time and having victims unable to defend themselves under this kind of duress are methods which clearly define bullying. In addition, there are several types of bullying which include: physical contact, verbal abuse, and spreading gossip about another and/or excluding one from a social group.

The best Anti bullying policies encompass educational workshops so that members of a school staff, for example, can learn how this type of behavior affects children and inhibits their educational goals; begin a process in which the act of bullying is neither acceptable nor conducive to learning by establishing policies which deal with each situation in an appropriate and successful manner; the involvement of parents and guardians is essential in developing and implementing Stop Bullying programs; to become immersed in providing equal treatment and opportunities for all children; and to provide for outside professional experts to become embedded in the school system in order to enable them to deal with each and every case openly, honestly, and solving existing problems with a different approach.

Small groups of children with teachers in supervision should discuss the ongoing problems associated with bullying and what approaches can be used to curtail this behavior. Moreover, everyone in the school environment should feel comfortable in dealing with situations arising out of the bullying spectrum.

Once the program is engaged, the Anti bullying program should be sent home to every parent, given to every child in school so that the responsibility lies with everyone to secure the safety of children. When incidents occur, immediate action should be taken and the incident should be investigated and appropriately recorded online as well as on incident reports provided to schools which are then sent to the proper agencies.

Bear With Each Other… PLEASE!
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you ma have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:12
Let’s face it–people are difficult sometimes. I haven’t met a person (me included) who doesn’t have specific quirks and issues. Sometimes issues that people have can rub against us like sandpaper. And sometimes these people don’t even know that they are being abrasive or even have an issue!
Yet we are told to “Bear with each other” and to forgive. Out of all my experience with difficult people, I have only one real conclusion that I can come to–most of them don’t even realize that they are being difficult and see themselves as victims and are just trying to be loved!
Think of three people in your life that are “difficult” people. How do you come up with that? Easy! Think of one of your favorite activities, and then think of the three people you would least like to show up! If you like golf, who do you not want to golf with? If you like fishing, who do you not want to fish with? If you like shopping, who do you not want to shop with?
Learning to bear with these people is the first step to letting them feel liked and even loved. Sure, maybe they have real behavioral issues to work out, but they will never get to them without first feeling accepted and loved.
God commands us to bear with each other–and if that wasn’t reason enough, think of all the good that could follow from simple forgiveness!
by Paul D. McDonald, MBA
Paul D. McDonald, MBA, has consulted with churches on growth and management of the “business aspects” of running a church. Visit http://wreach.blogspot.com/ to learn more.

Dealing with Difficult People - Ten Ways to Improve Your Communications Success
Have you noticed that some people seem to stop listening even before you start talking? Do you avoid approaching some people unless you absolutely have too? Improve your chance for conversational success by considering the following ten factors before starting your next conversation.
1. Consider the setting. Where will the conversation take place? Is it public or private? Are there other things going on that will be distracting? Is the setting approapriate for the topic?

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11 Tips for Dealing With Difficult People
I started my company (EMJ) from the trunk of my car (and it was a small trunk so that�s a small business). I grew EMJ to $375,000,000 in sales prior to selling it to SYNNEX. I am now CEO of a $1 billion business.
One certainty in life is you will not always see eye to eye with everyone. The purpose of this article is to share practical ideas on dealing with difficult people.
1 - I hate the title of this article. The first step is to reframe the situation. If you think you are dealing with a difficult person, it will be difficult. If you think you are dealing with a challenge, it can be invigorating.
2 - Use the Stephen Covey rule: ’seek first to understand.’ Often the simple act of understanding the person will be cathartic enough to have the person deal with you civilly. People have a need to be understood and if they feel understood, they tend to be easier to work with. If you truly understand the other person, often you will see a solution to the challenge or will have empathy for them and not feel as threatened.
3 - Leave stubbornness (and ego) at the door. Most cases I have seen where someone is very challenging, it is because both of the parties are set on their point of view.
4 - Be Zen. If you cannot change the situation, live with it. Not only tolerate it but do not stress about what cannot be changed.
5 - Take a break. Often challenging situations can bog down. Stepping away from the situation can allow more creativity. It can also allow for a cooling off by both parties. Some of the best breaks include deep breathing, exercise (take a walk) and of course the longer the time, the better.
6 - Ask yourself why you think this person is a challenge. Often the reasons tie to interpreting cues wrong. For example, I do business with an individual who uses a lot of foul language. I find this somewhat offensive and it tends to raise my stress level. When I look at the situation, his first language is not English. He likely does not have the same associations with swear words as I do. Furthermore, they are only words so perhaps I need to look at myself. Does it really matter?
7 - Be creative. This ties into the stubbornness. Often creative solutions can solve an impasse. Take a win-win negotiations course. Much conflict is actually about problem solving and negotiation. Much of win win negotiating is about creativity.
8 - Ask ‘what about this person or situation is good?’ There will always be something about everyone and every situation that is positive.
9 - Ask the How question. How could you solve this challenge? How could dealing with this person be a good thing?
10 - Get help. Often someone might be tough for you to communicate with or be challenging to deal with but someone else might deal with them easily. I often end up in this role in my company. Because the card says CEO, people are often more polite and nicer to me than they are one of my staff. It is not that I am better, it is the position. Or sometimes just someone different might have different chemistry. I used to do an account swap among the sales reps and trade underperforming accounts. Invariably sales would increase for both reps. There was something about adding new energy and a new person that moved all underperforming accounts to higher sales by just switching reps.
11 - If all else fails, avoid the situation. In some cases, this can be a viable option. I often ask myself ‘will this go away if I do not deal with it’. If the answer is yes, why should I spend time and energy on it?
Good luck dealing with your challenging people.
by Jim Estill

Jim Estill is the CEO of $1 Billion Computer distributor, SYNNEX Canada.
To learn more about his successful business strategies, visit his blog at
id=link_37 href=”http://www.jimestill.com/”
target=_top>http://www.jimestill.com

Jim Estill’s CEO blog also has information on ordering his audiobook and
ebook, Time Leadership.

Article Source: href=”http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jim_Estill”>http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jim_Estill

7 Ways to Deal with the Negative People in your Life
Have you ever been faced with trying to stay positive when others around you are negative? Negative people can be a challenge to be around. They will bring you down and drain your energy. A negative person can throw your best laid plans to
be positive right out the window. Whether your child or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.

Let the Negativity Pass
Whatever you do, do not argue with a negative person. Arguing only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity that will strengthen his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my children are in a crabby mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince them to analyze and adjust their attitude. As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition with them, they seize the opportunity to prove to me that life stinks. Their negativity intensifies and the situation gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes the best thing to do is remain silent and let the negativity pass.

Negative People Need Love
You know how difficult it can be to give love and positive attention to negative people. Unfortunately, that is often exactly what they need. Deep inside that mean and critical person is a person that is usually afraid he or she is unlovable. It is
our challenge to rise above the negative attitude and love the injured person inside. How do you show love when someone is negative? You must listen to what she is trying to tell you. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, ‘You sound very angry right now’. Even if you don’t quite understand the person’s feelings, know that your reality is different than someone else’s. Ask how you might help the negative person. This shows legitimate interest in her happiness. Offer a hug even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.

Focus on the Positive
If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found in any situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for any gold or jewels you can emphasize. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is drowning in
negativity, it can be difficult for them to see the positive. So often my clients focus on the negative aspects of themselves. They forget about all the great things they are doing. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn’t want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her outlook.

Negativity can become a habit and habits are hard to break. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.

Ask Negative People to Elaborate
You may hear a negative person say things like: ‘Women are fickle.’ ‘You can’t trust doctors.’ ‘My husband makes me miserable.’ These kinds of statements are a type of cognitive distortion referred to as generalizations. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like ‘Which women are fickle?’ or ‘What specifically about your husband is making you miserable?’forces a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will either give up because it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.

Detach and Avoid Trying to Change the Negative Person
Learning to detach emotionally from a negative person can greatly benefit you and the other person. A negative person will fight you if you try to change them. If you want, you can try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son’s negative mood.
Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her his friends were mean, she agreed with him. When he complained that his teacher didn’t know anything, she couldn’t agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.

Stay Away from Negative People
If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. Some people are so chronically negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your life. It’s possible  to do that with friends. You can find another job if your boss or other co-workers are
bringing you down. Other people, such as children and spouses, are difficult to remove from your life. In this instance, professional counseling may be the answer. To protect your well being, you need to enforce very strong boundaries with negative people.

Keep Your Own Negative Thoughts and Behaviors in Check
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts and behavior, you will come a long way towards remaining positive. A negative attitude is contagious, but a positive attitude is infectious as well. Hang out with positive people that encourage you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to overcome negative self-talk. Express your gratitude for all the positive things in your life. Take the time everyday to watch all the beautiful things going on around you. Read inspirational material and listen to joyful music. Take care of yourself spiritually. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and happy despite the negativity you face. The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude. And you never know, you just might help a negative person make a change to a better way of living.

by Lori Radun, CEC
Lori Radun, CEC � certified life coach for moms. To
receive her FREE mini eCourse on eliminating guilt, her FREE newsletter for
moms, and the special report �155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children�,
go to
href=”http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com”>http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com

57% of Managers Time is Spent Dealing With Difficult Staff

Announcing Ways To Deal With Difficult Staff.

As a manager, how do you deal with difficult staff?

How much of your management time is spent unwisely with difficult staff?

Would you like to know the secrets of easily managing your problem staff?

Well this is what it takes.

Every business and department has them - problem staff who use up a great deal of a managers time
and energy trying to achieve better performance and results.

A few years ago, it was easy to rectify the problem, just terminate the employee and get on
with business. In today’s business world, employment laws have become much more
employee friendly which has increased the challenges to managers as to how to
deal with these individuals.

So how does a manager handle such staff effectively to achieve a win / win resolution? Unfortunately most managers focus
all their efforts in trying to get rid of the problem rather than taking a step
back and planning a strategy to give the staff a chance to become an asset to the business/department.

In order to deal with a problem employee it is important to be able to pinpoint where the true problem lies. The good news is
that managers only need to focus on three areas to find the answer.

As a manager, if you follow these three areas in order, you will find where you will
need to focus your efforts to turn your problem employee into a productive member of your team.

The first area to look at is training and development. Has the employee been trained and developed properly? Does he or
she know what is expected of them? Was their training and development period adequate? Do they perform their duties within the guidelines set forth by the business/department?

If you can answer yes to all of these questions then training and development is not the issue, then you need to move to the
next area. On the other hand if you answer no to any of the above, it is time to set aside some time to re-train the individual.

The second area is the environment. Is there something in the employees work environment that may be
affecting their performance? There may be a possibility that the employee may have developed an allergy to the equipment they work with, or there may be something in the air that is causing the employee problems getting the job done.
Or they don’t have the space, correct chair, tools to perform their role.

If the environment is the cause of the problem it may be in the managers best interest to try to find an alternate job within the company that will provide a better climate for the employee to work in. Or provide them with the appropriate tools in order to complete their role.

If the environmentis not the problem then the only other option is the staff’s behaviour. This is by far the most difficult to deal with as people in general get very defensive and offended when they are being talked to about their conduct.

When speaking with an employee about their behaviour it is important to be up front
with the issue. There is no reason to beat around the bush. You have to ask
questions and let the employee say everything they have to say. The employee may
have personal problems that are affecting their duties; they may hate the job or
are having problems with someone they work with.

Once you have found the root of the problem then it is important to offer solutions. It may be
counselling, a mediated meeting with another employee, or maybe the offer of a
leave of absence from work to get their affairs in order.

Once the discussion has neared the end you must inform the employee of your expectations
as their direct report and how they are expected to behave at work.

By following the above steps you as a manager will be able to improve performance and production from the most difficult member of staff.

A Last Word…

One of the biggest fears in being a manager is dealing with difficult staff. It’s not easy but don’t put it off - deal with it as soon as possible after you see a dip in the staff member’s performance. Make sure you are seen as the manager who deals with difficult staff effectively and efficiently.

by Andrew Rondeau
Andrew Rondeau is a leading Management &
Leadership Strategist and offers Management/Leadership Mentoring and Coaching
Services.

Andrew is also the author of several ground breaking e-Books
including ‘Accelerate Your Management Effectiveness’, ‘How To Get A Standing
Ovation Every Time You Publicly Present’ and ‘Learn The Secrets Of Time
Management

http://www.andrewrondeau.co.uk

http://www.acceleratedmanagementsystem.com

Have you noticed how somepeople become totally different when they get behind the steering wheel. Road rage is a difficult thing to deal with, and with aggressive drivers other peoples safety is of primary concern. This article gives some tips as to how to deal with an aggressive drive, especially when it someone that you love.
How To Deal With Difficult People Part 4 -The Aggressive Driver When He Is A Loved One
45 year old John terrorized his family when they were his passengers. He would yell at them if they complained about his driving.

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Part of the trouble with dealing with difficult people is the fact that they are so difficult to understand. This article gives another perspective on how to handle difficult people.
Difficult People: Understanding WHY, not WHAT
What makes another person difficult? When we don’t understand where they’re coming from. They yell at us in an argument when we want to quietly reason; or they disengage when we want to talk it out. They say they want a vacation
and then plan a full agenda while you it was sitting on a beach veging that you wanted. People don’t make sense. That makes them difficult.

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